I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, 'We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'It's the minister, Mommy,' the child said to her mother. Then she added, 'Mommy can't come to the phone to ta lk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ! ! ! 'What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!'
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found', the boy called out.' What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear
ENJOY YOUR DAY !!!!!Thanks to our friends at Mom Central we were able to try out the American Heat Associations CPR Anytime Kit.
This kit teaches CPR at home and your entire family can learn these life saving techniques. This is a must have for any family and I am so glad our family can learn CPR together, it makes me feel so much safer to have the knowledge for if something unexpected happens.
Visit The American Heart Association to find out more and get one for your family.
The CPR Anytime line of self-directed learning products was developed to increase CPR knowledge and awareness among the general public – those who do not traditionally attend CPR courses.
Almost 80 percent of out-of-hospital cardiac arrests occur at home and are witnessed by a family member
Only 6.4 percent of sudden cardiac arrest victims survive because the vast majority of those witnessing the arrest are people who do not know how to perform CPR
CPR Anytime is a tool that can help increase survival rates in communities across the country. People who receive the CPR Anytime kits are able to share lifesaving skills with their loved ones by using the kit to train their entire family. Using a multiplier effect, studies have shown that for every single CPR Anytime kit used for training, an average of 2.5 people learn how to perform CPR.
The American Heart Association's CPR Anytime personal learning programs include Family & Friends CPR Anytime and Infant CPR Anytime for families and community members, and Heartsaver AED Anytime, a credentialed program that can be used in worksites to teach CPR skills and use of an AED.
Learn more about Family & Friends CPR Anytime.
Learn more about Heartsaver AED Anytime.
Learn more about Infant CPR Anytime.
Shop the CPR Anytime Web site
We would like to wish you a very Happy Mothers Day and hope you all had a wonderful day with your children, spouse or extended family.
The Glue of Society
Johann Christoph Arnold for Mother’s Day, May 10, 2009
Thank God for mothers! Mother’s Day is an opportunity to make life special for them. It is a chance to celebrate family. I thank God for my mother, who died some years ago. There is one thing I regret: for too many years I did not appreciate her enough and took her for granted. She was always there for us. I thank God for my wife. We have been married for forty-three years and have eight children. God has blessed us with forty-one grandchildren.
Mothers are the backbone of our society and the glue that holds a family together—their work is vital but often unseen. We all need to show greater appreciation for them. I pity the man who does not have a good wife to take care of him.
My favorite Hasidic saying goes, “God could not be everywhere at once, so he gave each child a mother!” Mothers should be proud to be mothers. It is a God-given task and privilege. Actually there is a mother’s heart in every woman, whether married or single. In the past, motherhood was regarded as the noblest calling of a woman. Today it is too often pushed aside by more “desirable” occupations or careers, and seen as an inconvenience or even an embarrassment.
A true mother thinks day and night about the well-being of her children, and is the first to praise, comfort and protect them. She is willing to sacrifice her life for them. The pains of pregnancy and childbirth are borne by the mother, and she continues to carry the child in her heart her whole life.
Motherhood is a mystery. It is something truly divine for which every human heart longs. This is why mothers provide the most powerful influence on a child’s life, and are the most important role models for positive change in our society. When anyone is in trouble, or knows that they are dying, the first person they think of is their mother. When children start going wrong ways a mother’s prayer is powerful. Mothers remind us that there is a loving God above us who will take good care of everyone, especially children. Whenever a tragedy occurs—no matter where in the world this happens—you will always find mothers both weeping for the dead and bringing comfort and security to the living.
As we seek to improve the education of our children, let us start by taking better care of our mothers. This will enable them to provide better homes for all of us, and ensure the survival of our society. Never before in our history have so many men abandoned the children they fathered. Fathers are vanishing from their children’s lives, not just physically, but legally as well. Therefore, congratulations to all single mothers and grandmothers who do their best to raise children on their own. They often struggle under the most difficult circumstances. They are the real heroes of the family—and not just on Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you!
[Johann Christoph Arnold is a pastor and author of ten books, which are available at http://www.plough.com/.]
New Green Living Section Coming Soon!Three men married wives from different states.
The first man married a woman from Washington . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Wyoming . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Michigan . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the puffiness had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
We will be starting a new section here at Bits from a Brit - Eating Out. We will be trying out lots of local restaurants and letting you know how we rate them. The rating will be based on food quality, service, speed, and family friendliness or romantic setting. Of course we are doing this to help everyone find the greatest places to eat out with and without your kiddos, or is this just an excuse so I don't have to cook dinner quite so often? Whatever the reason we are very excited to share our findings with you!
1 cup water
1 cup flour
1/2 cup butter
1 cup flour
1/2 cup butter
Heat water and butter to boil. Add flour all at once and stir vigorously over low heat until mixture forms a ball. Remove from heat and beat in eggs all at once. Continue beating until smooth and well blended. Drop dough by tablespoon on un-greased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 35 minutes until golden. Remove immediately and let cool on wire rack. Once cooled, slice puffs in half and remove residual dough leaving a hallowed out puff. Fill puffs with your favorite cream or use the following:
1 3 oz. package instant pudding (your favorite flavor -- lemon is excellent) made according to package and set until firm1 8 oz container whipped topping
Combine after pudding is chilled and fill puffs. Sprinkle with powdered sugar or drizzle with chocolate frosting. Enjoy with fresh berries
Tuscan Bread Salad
1 loaf dense crusty bread
1 large ball of fresh Mozzarella cheese
1 large tomato
1 yellow or red pepper
1/2 cup fresh basil, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
6 tablespoons olive oil
3 tablespoons Balsamic or red wine vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste
Combine dressing ingredients and blend well; set aside. Cut cheese, tomato and pepper into 1-inch cubes and transfer to salad bowl with chopped basil. Pour dressing over cheese and veggies to marinate while cutting and toasting bread. Cut bread into 1-inch cubes and toast in oven until lightly brown. Add bread cubes to salad bowl and mix well to coat all pieces. Serve immediately.